Why talking about death matters

Talking about death doesn’t make you die, just like talking about sex doesn’t make you pregnant. But that doesn’t make it any less daunting the first time you talk with someone you love about death and dying. I know from my own personal experience how scared I was to broach the issue with my elderly parents – but I’m so glad that I did. 

It is love in action to think about what we would like to happen at the end of our lives, and having the conversation with others has the potential to remove a great burden from those we leave behind. Palliative Care consultant and author Dr Kathryn Mannix observes, “Nobody ever says, ‘I wish we'd never talked about dying’. In fact, I've lost count of the people who have said to me: 'I wish we'd talked more.'"

We think we have all the time in the world, but death doesn't always announce itself from a great distance. Talking openly about death and dying early, when we’re well, breaks through the loneliness that so often surrounds a deathbed. When we're too frightened to mention death, we rob ourselves – and our loved ones – of the opportunity to say the things that truly matter. The parent who wants to tell you to marry that wonderful partner, or perhaps to leave that dreadful one. The chance to share memories, express love or simply acknowledge what's happening and be together with it.